Tuesday, November 20, 2012

Why Can't White People Dance?

Yo White Guy. Why can't white folks dance? 

First off, the reason why white people can't dance is because WHITE PEOPLE CAN DANCE. Yeah, I said it. White people can in fact dance. We just have a different form of dance. White people have only one form of dance: Choreography. Cheerleading, line dancing, synchronized swimming, ballet, and financial planning all have one thing in common: white choreography.

Synchronized Swimming or Scary White Bitches Drowning?

White people love choreographed shit because we love to plan shit. White people won't do anything unless it is planned. Go ahead, try this experiment at home. Ask a white guy if he wants do something. You can even ask him if he wants to do some shit that white people enjoy doing like camping or hang gliding. At first he will say: "Yeah dude!", but then tell him that you are going right now and that we have to leave immediately. They will then make an "uhhh" noise with their mouth and then say something like, "I need to ask my wife first".

White man with a plan.

You still don't think white people can dance? Look at Justin Timberlake. Just look at him. Justin is whiter than a pilates instructor and has eyes bluer than an Ikea shopping bag. If Lou Pearlman had never found him he would probably be moderately famous for singing a jingle for freecreditreport.com while working part-time at a Whole Foods somewhere. Now watch Justin dance. Damn. How does a white guy like Justin Timberlake dance so good?  I bet if you asked him he would probably say something along the lines of "Hard work and lots of practice and blah blah blah and Britney and blah blah blah and that was a long time ago." Well it turns out someone did ask him in a 2011 interview and he said: "I think people sometimes don't pay enough attention to what they do. I've done well, but the reason is pretty simple: I've worked my ass off. Anything I've done well has taken many, many hours of preparation". No shit Justin.
Justin dances like Michael Jackson when he was black. 

Let's re-cap. (See how white I am. I am planning and preparing during this article). White people can dance. White people like to plan shit out first. White people hate spontaneity. White people dance best when they prepare. With all that said, I do not believe that all black people are better dancers than white people or that all white people are better planners than black people. After all we do live in a world where Brandy lost to Sarah Palin's daughter on Dancing With The Stars and Nicholas Cage lost his house to the IRS for not paying his income taxes.

Oh no she di'int.

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